I come from a family where masculine women are typical. All of my aunts played sports. All of my girl cousins play sports. My mom played sports. My grandma played sports. Sports are a big deal in my family, but sports are aimed more toward the masculine side of the gender spectrum. This why I believe I am comfortable in being a more masculine female-bodied individual.
I never really have been into sports as much as the rest of my family. In fact, I enjoy more feminine activities, such as music and art. The thing that makes me masculine is my choice of clothing: men’s clothes. Then again, people ask me, “Do clothing really have a gender?” and I easily respond, “No.” It is just the fact that most of the clothes I enjoy wearing are located under the sign labeled “Men” in a clothing store.
Because of my family’s way of life, gender was never really on my mind before puberty. I could do whatever I wanted because it didn’t matter whether it was a boy’s activity or a girl’s activity. My family would tolerate anything I did as long as it didn’t harm anyone and that I was happy.
Unfortunately, once puberty hit and gender distinctions became much more apparent and obvious, I became a little lost and confused. I was told to wear tighter clothes and makeup like the rest of the girls, but I didn’t understand. I didn’t want that. Why were they insisting I do it?
To this day, I have never regularly worn makeup, pierced my ears, worn high heels, etc. I refuse to do something that will stress me out or make me somebody I am not. Some may see this masculine aspect of me as weird. Some might label me as a lesbian. But as long as I am comfortable with who I am, both my masculine and feminine aspects, I don’t see a reason to pressure myself to choose a side.